


Melting Point

by didyousaygay



Series: My Personal Solar System [9]
Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25262536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didyousaygay/pseuds/didyousaygay
Summary: When I give, I give myself.--Walt Whitman
Relationships: Stellvester "Stell" Ajero/John Paulo Nase | Sejun
Series: My Personal Solar System [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774648
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Melting Point

**Weekday**

"Sinabi nang wag kang lalapit! Ayoko, dyan ka lang!" 

"Huh?! Pwede ba yun? Eh ang liit liit ng room naten?!"

"Yun na nga eh, kailangan natin ng space kaya pag andito ko sa corner, dyan ka lang sa kama mo!"

"Ayaw mo dito sa kama ko?!"

"Ayoko nga!!"

"Ayaw mo talaga?"

"Anong nakakatawa?!"

"Ayaw mo talaga sa kama ko??"

_Shit, bwisit ka Stell! Hinga ng malalim, don't blush, calm down._ He turns his back on him to face the window. Outside, the calmness of the night sky projects a screaming contrast to the inner chaos between his mind and his heart. When he started to sleep in his own bed and Stell just kept quiet without even a single word of protest, he knows that it's just a matter of time before he will do something completely unexpected and that's why he always kept his guard up. Stell has definitely been waiting for this moment because tomorrow is the start of their three day long rest after working non stop for the last three weeks. 

They're both tired and badly need this break but here they are, ripping the bandages of a fatal wound that wouldn't stop bleeding. The bed hinge creaks and from the glass panel, he can see that Stell stood up to walk towards him. They stare at each other through the window's reflection and he can feel Stell's deep gaze see through all the emotions that he's been trying to conceal. He looks at the marble floor instead.

"Don't come here, please. Pagod na tayong pareho Stell."

"Tayong dalawa lang 'to Pau, walang ibang tao, halika na matulog na tayo."

"Walang tayo Stell, SB19 lang ang meron sa bahay na 'to."

"Eh di 'lika na, tutulog na SB19."

He finally gathers the courage to turn around and look at him. Stell is smiling and those dark eyes that make him fall every time is looking at him with such adoration and he just wants to cry. They clearly have opposing views when it comes to how they should deal with their so-called 'relationship' and he's trying exceedingly hard to push him away but Stell has been very patient with him. Calmly breaking the walls that he stubbornly built around him and he knows that he's been an insufferable jerk for the last few weeks. But it's the only way he can protect himself, if not, he'll just crumble. 

Stell is still looking at him, patiently waiting for him to say something. _How can this man be so kind?_

He shakes the unhelpful thoughts away. Since he already feels like a villain in his own movie, he might as well live up to the expectations.

"We need ground rules if we want this to work, Stell. I'm Sejun. Not Pau. Let's start with that."

"Ano ba yung _this_ na kailangan nating i-work? Sejun?"

 _Okay, that honestly hurts but he asked for it._ "Stop with the affection, treat me like everyone else and stop with those double meaning jokes during interviews. Ako naman parang tanga, sinasakyan ko din. Kaya tayo pine-pair ng mga tao eh."

"Yun lang ba... Sejun?"

"Just treat me like a friend and I'll do the same."

"Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na maalala kung kelan ba yung exact moment na huminto tayong maging magkaibigan at nagsimulang maging higit dun. Medyo malayong rewind yata ang kailangan kong gawin para balikan."  
  
"Magkaibigan tayo Stell, hindi naman nawala yun." _Nadagdagan lang nung naging love na._ Yes brain, keep on supplying unnecessary details. Thank you. "Nandito pa rin naman ako pag kailangan mo ko. With limitations nga lang."

"Sabi mo yan ah."

"Ha?"

"Na nandyan ka pa rin pag kailangan kita."

"Oo naman. Magkaibigan tayo, ano ka ba?" 

"Walang bawian?"

"Wala."

"Sige, handshake para wala talagang bawian."

"Bakit pakiramdam ko may binabalak ka? Umamin ka Stell."

"Papayag ako sa kahit anong gusto mo, pero akin ka once a week."

_There, there's the unexpected thing._ He knew it. Their conversation has been going too well and he knows something's up. But this?! He takes it back. _This man is not kind, he's cruel._

"Stell, naririnig mo ba yang sinasabi mo? Anong akala mo sa kin, room for rent? Part time job? Half time break sa sports? Hiniram na libro sa library? Weekend fling?!"

"Hindi. Ikaw si Pau. Yung Pau na pwede kong mahawakan pero once a week lang."

"Saang sulok ng internet mo napulot yang kalokohan mo Ajero?"

"Gusto lang kitang makasama, ang damot mo naman..."

_Okay, Stell's not cruel but definitely not a saint._ He's not supposed to feel guilty and he knows he has justifiable reasons for avoiding him but right now, he just wants to make him happy. Or maybe it's really guilt catching up on him. But if this will help Stell focus on what his real priorities are, he's willing to take the pain that comes with it. Hopefully, Stell outgrows this ridiculous set up, realize that it's not worth it and move on from him. 

He knows that this is not a good idea and they might hurt each other unintentionally but the slightly rational but uncharitable part of him dictates that Stell belongs out there, performing, making people happy but he gets to have him-- all of him, 52 days a year and it's better than not having him at all. 

He can't understand why love can be so selfless and selfish at the same time. Or maybe, he's just doing it wrong. Is there a correct way to love someone?

"Anong araw?"

"Talaga Pau? I mean, Sejun?"

"Ayaw mo?!"

"Monday!"

"Bakit Monday?"

"Start the week right."

"Monday then, hand shake?"

"Deal."

"Matulog na tayo."

"Wait lang Pa--- Sejun!"

"Tuesday pa lang, you don't get to have me, I don't get to have you until Monday. Be a good boy for the next few more days."

_Since I'm a villain and he's not a saint, guess we're going to hell after this._

"Teka! Wala bang--?!!"

"Wala. Goodnight Stell."

He quickly climbs on top of the bunk bed, one grave mistake is enough for the night. The moment his head hits the pillow, he slept like a log. If there's any room for regret in that very irresponsible decision, he can kick himself for the next 365 days. 

**Weekend**

"May konting adjustments daw sa time ng performance, nadagdagan kasi yung line up so--"

Stell barely listens to Sejun while he explains the breakdown of the next event. He just kept on staring. The way he pouts when he's trying to think really hard, how animated he gets when he discusses the songs included, the genuine smile that he gives when Justin and Ken excitedly asks about other details of the show and even his frown when he starts to feel tired after talking non stop. He just loves everything about Pau, ah, Sejun. Because it's only Saturday.

When he gathered up all his courage and told him that he accepts the challenge, it was the truth, a decision that he will do anything to fight for what they have. When they won at the music awards, it felt like everything is falling into place until he saw the resolve in Sejun's eyes that he was ready to let him go and at that moment, he was so scared, he didn't know what to do. How do you weigh the importance between career and relationship? He's still dead set to achieve their goals as artists, that fact doesn't change but he refuses to give Sejun up. Is there really no way for them to make things work? Or he's just too egotistical and in denial to accept the fact that Sejun is right? He can't be too greedy. They can't have everything.

The God of Desperation must have possessed him that night when he boldly asked Sejun to give him one day. He was expecting him to be furious or worse, cry because he knows that it is a selfish request but when Sejun agreed, he was so exhilarated, he didn't think of the consequences. 

And now he gets to be with him one day per week. He still feels the shame from playing the 'guilt card' on him but he missed him so much, missed everything about him, he's willing to set morals aside and just have Sejun for himself, even if it's just a day. He just wants to take care of him, make him smile, make him happy. Because he's happy when Sejun is happy. Or rather, he doesn't know the line that separates Sejun's happiness and his own, as if the boundaries were completely destroyed the moment they realized they love each other. 

_Love._ The chance to put those feelings into words are somehow bleak due to their situation. Why is their love so complicated?

_Hala, nakasimangot na sa'kin._

"Narinig mo ba yung sinabi ko Stell?"

"Ah, bagong line up.."

"Ang dami ko nang nasabi pagkatapos nun. Ano ka ba, focus."

"Sorry."

"Okay ka lang?"

"Oo, sorry, may naisip lang."

"Matulog ka kasi ng maaga, kung anu ano ginagawa mo sa gabi eh."

"Kala mo sya natutulog ng maaga. Ang likot likot mo kaya sa taas."

"Sige mamaya, tulog tayong maaga."

"Talaga? Sige."

"Hingin ko lang muna yung schedule natin for next week sa office."

"Hintayin kita?"

"Bakit mo ko hihintayin?"

"Ayaw mo?"

"Hindi naman. Sige, ikaw bahala."

'Hihintayin kita."

"Talaga? Sige."

  
Justin raises his hand. "Ah, excuse lang po leader, tapos na po ba yung meeting?!"

"Unfair! Pag ako yung di nakikinig, sermon agad, pag si Stell may lambing pa, grabe Sejun!"

"Jah, Ken, alis na tayo mukhang nakalimutan na nilang andito tayo eh." 

"Hoy Josh bumalik kayo dito, isang van lang ang sasakyan natin!" 

Sejun calls them back with his face all red. Everything about him is just so endearing and Stell knows there's no escape for him anymore. Their reckless decision will hurt them eventually but he knows it's worth it. Sejun is worth it. _Ang mahalaga, nilaban mo._

**Sunday**

His hatred towards rock paper scissors is increasing everyday. What did he do in his previous life for fate to give him such a curse when it comes to this childish game? It's already beyond laughable. He clears the used dishes from the table and sighs.

"Di ba pagod tayo? Kaya nga nag take out para wala nang huhugasan, kayo talaga!"

"Si Stell kaya yung unang kumuha ng plate, di ka naman nagreklamo. Pagalitan mo nga si Stell..."

If looks could kill, Ken would be dead by now. But that's not the case and to annoy him even more, Ken laughs and hides behind Stell. Their eyes met for an instance and he abruptly turns his back on them.

"Kaya nga kayo, kasi lahat kayo! Pagkatapos ko dito yari ka talaga sa kin Ken!"

"Bakit ako lang?!"

It doesn't really help that they just finished an event and Stell is looking so good with his ensemble, he just wants to hide him away from the world. It's a good thing the kitchen sink is facing the wall, if he was flustered due to that momentary eye contact, no one needs to know.

He loves the normal Stell. The 'no-inhibitions-uncaring-about-his-looks' Stell because he's attractive that way. But the dressed and dolled up Stell is in another level. Or maybe he's just biased because he's in love with him.

If you asked him about love and relationships a few weeks ago, his answer would be something out of an angsty college student's diary but as the days pass and he just learns to accept that loving Stell is already a part of him, he's finally able to talk to him calmly just like how they were before.

"Wag ka na magalit, Sejun. Tulungan na kita."

He stops. He doesn't want to break anything. Just because he has come to terms with his feelings, it doesn't mean his heart has learned how to calm down when Stell is around. It's a work in progress but he's learning everyday. "Okay lang, di naman masyadong madami. Tska, di naman talaga ko galit." he gives him a re-assuring smile.

"Na-miss ko yang smile na yan."

"Huh?"

"Yan. Yung smile na.. pag nagsa-struggle ako, makita ko lang yang smile na yan, okay na ulit. Yung parang kahit ano kaya kong gawin kasi nginitian mo na ko."

"May something ba dun sa carbonara? Bat ang drama mo?!"

_This is the same guy who had the girls fainting and screaming his name earlier but now, he's just pouring his heart out like a love sick teenager. He's adorable._

"Masama bang sabihin na na-miss kita? Grabe ka makasira ng moment John Paulo!"

"Syempre mahirap na, apakapogi mo ngayon, pahihirapan mo pa kong i-friend zone ka pag bigla kang nag-confess dyan."

"Hobby mo ba yan? Yung bastedin ako?!"

They glared at each other. He's the first one to break the eye contact and they just laughed. It felt like years since they laughed together and he missed it. He missed Stell. So much.

When they finally calmed down, they both have tears in their eyes from laughing too much. There's nothing hilarious about their situation at all but maybe they just needed that release. That's when he noticed that the others already went to bed. "Tingnan mo yung mga yun, di man lang nagsabi na matutulog na sila." He shakes his head and resumes with his neglected chore.

"Pau.."

"Stell, di ba sabi ko sa'yo wag mo---"

"12:01 am. Monday na Pau."

He was too caught up in their work. Performing, writing songs, balancing his relationship with Stell and coping with his feelings that he totally lost track of time. A week has already passed. He looks at Stell with sudden panic. The love struck teenager that he was teasing earlier is gone and the dark eyes staring at him now is a man who only has one purpose : claim what belongs to him. 

The heavy silence was broken when he accidentally drops a plate and it smashes on the ground into pieces.

"Tey."

"P-Pau..?"

"Don't come here. I'll clean this up, hintayin mo na lang ako sa kwarto."

**Less than 24 hours**

He paces aimlessly in their tiny room. If he walked a straight line, he's probably in another town by now but he can't think of any other way to calm down.

When their stylist decided it was a brilliant idea to dress Sejun in smart casual, he already expected Sejun to look really good. He always does. He just didn't expect that Sejun in a lilac cardigan with his hair in a half pony tail was something that he needed in his life. 

And to top it off tonight, a domineering Sejun with a lilac cardigan rolled up to his elbows with his hair in a man bun is God-tier against Sejun in a suit. _Dear God, please help me calm down._

"Bakit di ka pa natutulog?"

"Sabi mo hintayin kita dito sa kwarto? Eh di hinintay kita."

"So lahat ng sasabihin ko, susundin mo?" 

"Ako lang ba talaga nag-aabang para sa araw na to Pau?"

Given the size of their room, it's not long before they're standing really close to each other, until Sejun smiles. _That smile._ He was still trying to process everything because he's so close and smells so good and now he's being attacked by the smile when Sejun hugs him. Really tight. And he can't help but do the same. They're back in each other's arms and nothing else matters.

"Ang galing mo kanina Tey. Sabi ko sa yo bagay yung part ng song na yun sa boses mo eh."

"Galing lang?"

"Ang galing galing galing. Sobrang daming galing. I'm so proud of you."

"Pau.."

"I'm here."

"Hanggang kailan?"

"Hanggang kailangan mo ko."

"Pau.. Bakit tayo umiiyak?"

"Iyakin ka kasi eh."

"So gaya-gaya ka lang, ganon?"

"Oo, para di ka nag-iisa."

"Na-miss kita Pau. Ayoko nang mag-Tuesday!"

"Hindi naman napipigilan yung pagbabago ng araw, Tey."

"Pag ginawa mong kanta yan, magra-rally akong mag-isa!"

_Ang mahalaga, nilaban ko at ilalaban ko._

But for now, it's still Monday.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading


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